Give till it tingles: Notoriously generous as a feeler of pain, Vice President Al Gore apparently is quite the little tightwad when it comes to actually doing something about it — his 1997 tax return shows an income of nearly $200,000 with charitible contributions of a paltry $350. Heck, he knows Buddhist nuns who do better than that.

Say cheesy: The mystery of why some school photos are so blasted expensive has been solved by Portland lawyer Jon Holder, who is suing one of New England’s largest studios for jacking up prices and offered participating schools a 20-percent piece of the action. Does this mean that, in some districts at least, a picture now is worth 1,200 words?

Acute pinocchioitis: Rommel Nobay fibbed a bit to get into Princeton University, claiming he is part black (nope), a National Merit Scholar (not even close) and that a family of lepers donated half their beggings to support his educational dream (hello?). When asked by prospective medical schools for grade transcripts, Princeton went a step further and filled them in on Nobay’s background as a bullslinger. Nobay sued, claiming invasion of privacy and defamation. A judge threw the case out, saying Princeton had done sick people of the future a great big favor. The prevaricating plaintiff says he is extremely disappointed in the verdict and will appeal. We take it, then, that he is delighted and will not appeal.

Fo’c’s’le follies: From 1992 to 1996, the U.S. Navy spent $12 million taxpayer dollars (not even counting the $500,000 donated by schoolchildren) restoring the nation’s most venerable warship, the 200-year-old USS Constitution, to its original glory. Alas, it now seems that bicentennial voyages to celebrations this summer in Portsmouth, N.H., and Kittery may be scrapped due to concerns that Old Ironsides may not be seaworthy. This causes Portsmouth Mayor Evelyn Sirrell to hope “that this thing doesn’t become one big political football.” At least footballs float.