Three times in the last month, intoxicated and violent British passengers have forced transatlantic flights to make emergency landings at Bangor International Airport. Although BIA officials and Bangor police richly deserve the wide acclaim they’ve received for their deft handling of these cases, enough is enough. Our fair city is not a pit stop for hooligans, our jail is not an Ellis Island for the drunk and stupid. We welcome anyone’s poor, tired, huddled masses yearning to be free. The U.K. can keep its wretched refuse.

Also wearing thin is this made-for-TV friendship between the nation’s two independent governors, Jesse Ventura of Minnesota (actually Reform Party) and Maine’s Angus King. They bonded at the National Governors Conference. They chat weekly via telephone. Gov. Ventura says Gov. King is his political role model. Gov. King says he might shave his head, just like his former pro-wrasslin’ pal. Gov. Ventura boasts of frequenting brothels and abusing drugs. Gov. King thinks maybe a light trim will do.

Enumerating all the upsides of representing New York in the U.S. Senate, first lady Hillary Clinton said the thought of her husband milling around at events for Senate spouses “brings an enormous smile to my face.” Imagine what it does for the president.

At any given moment, roughly half of the entire federal government seems devoted to the task of getting Americans to quit smoking. Over at the Department of Housing and Urban Development, they’re approving a $450,000 grant for a discount tobacco shop in Nevada. Call it a homeless shelter for Joe Camel and the Marlboro Man.

Maryland lawyer Alan Harris has been reprimanded and fined for calling a female lawyer “babe” in open court and then telling her she should be glad he didn’t call her “bimbo.” Harris, 69, remains unapologetic: “It’s just the way my generation speaks.” Now the gnarly dude’s in trouble for slandering an entire generation.

In Yarmouth, a school board member and the co-chairman of the chem-free Project Graduation program are being criticized for sitting in a driveway and observing, instead of breaking up, a post-prom bash at a house where no adults were present, where some 250 kids partied ’til dawn, where alcohol was served. Guys — it’s “zero tolerance,” not “zero intelligence.”

The state Department of Transportation took a pounding from lawmakers for a bond proposal that earmarks nearly all of the money for marine improvements to build a $6.7 million cruise ship terminal in Portland, virtually ignoring the rest of Maine’s working waterfront. Rep. Elizabeth Townsend, Democrat from guess where, was quick to defend the proposal, saying the economic benefits from the cruise calls would spread far and wide, from the outlet shops in Freeport to the Bush Compound in Kennebunkport. Heck, on a good day, a few tourist dollars might trickle all the way down to South Portland.