In theaters

BAD COMPANY, directed by Joel Schumacher, written by Jason Richman and Michael Browning, 111 minutes, rated PG-13.

Another week, another nuclear weapon, another dirty Hollywood bomb. Ka-fizzle.

This time out the film in question isn’t “The Sum of All Fears” but Joel Schumacher’s “Bad Company,” an appropriately titled comedic thriller that doesn’t star Ben Affleck as the hotshot on which our national safety and security hinges but, instead features the comedian Chris Rock.

Allow me to wipe that tear from your eye.

Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and written by Jason Richman and Michael Browning, “Bad Company” is a mismatched buddy movie that asks audiences to suspend disbelief to such an absurd degree, they might hang themselves trying.

Originally set to hit theaters just weeks after Sept. 11, “Bad Company” was swiftly shelved and its release date pushed back until June 7, which just happens to be the very week the official cleanup ended on what was once the World Trade Center towers.

No, Disney’s Touchstone Pictures can’t get a break with this film – and, considering its movie is all about mining laughs from a plot to blow up Manhattan, they don’t deserve one.

In the film, Anthony Hopkins is Oakes, a gum-snapping, toothpick-chewing CIA agent eager to prevent a Yugoslav terrorist named Dragan (Matthew Marsh) from purchasing a nuclear weapon from a Russian Mafiosi named Adrik Vas (Peter Stormare). His key man in the operation was Kevin Pope (Rock), a refined agent posing as an antiques dealer whose life is snuffed early in the film. For Oakes, tracking down Kevin’s twin brother, Jake Hayes (Rock), to complete the deal isn’t the problem. Instead, the problem rests in getting him to do the job competently – which, ironically, also can be said for director Schumacher.

Paired with Bruckheimer (“Pearl Harbor,” “The Rock,” “Armageddon”), for whom subtlety and character development are clearly as important as plausibility, Schumacher delivers a film that’s peppered with jump-cuts, explosions, car chases and some pseudowitty banter between Rock and Hopkins – all of which might have been fine had the film only backed its action with a story that wasn’t riddled with holes and with a sense of excitement that was reasonably fresh.

Schumacher does neither, but he does prove the rule – sometimes you really are as bad as the company you keep.

Grade: D

On video and DVD

KATE & LEOPOLD, directed by James Mangold, written by Mangold and Steven Rogers, 114 minutes, rated PG-13.

James Mangold’s romantic comedy “Kate & Leopold” stars Meg Ryan as Kate McKay, a quirky ad exec with an impish smile and a ditzy demeanor who could cute her way out of a mugging.

Ryan is cynical here and less high-strung than she’s been in previous films, but whether that’s because she’s bored with being adorable or because her character makes a living hawking low-fat butter substitute to weight-conscious women, is up for debate.

The film opens with Kate’s ex-boyfriend Stuart (Liev Schreiber) taking photos at a swanky party being thrown to celebrate the opening of the Brooklyn Bridge. Not a reopening of the bridge, mind you, but the actual opening. Apparently, Stuart’s found a time portal hovering atop the bridge, took a leap of faith and zipped back to 1876.

Now recording his 19th century visit with a digital camera, Stuart is having a great old time in newer New York until Leopold, the dashing Duke of Albany (Hugh Jackman), spots him at the party, chases him into the streets – and conveniently slips back to the 21st century with him.

Since the film is called “Kate & Leopold,” it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it’s only a matter of time before Leo meets Kate and shows her what’s missing in her life: good breeding, good manners and apparently a broad chest.

Undermining the film’s engaging lightness and superior production values are lapses in logic and a mangling of history. In one scene, Leopold humiliates Kate’s boss by setting him straight on Puccini’s “La Boheme,” which didn’t appear until 1896. In another scene, he inexplicably knows the words to “The Pirates of Penzance,” which was written in 1879. Later, he mentions Jack the Ripper, who left his marks in 1888.

Lucky for Mangold that he has Jackman, who carries the picture, and a fun supporting turn from Breckin Meyer as Kate’s equally quirky brother.

Otherwise, without them, “Kate & Leopold” wouldn’t have had a spittoon to spit in.

Grade: C+