Looking for the preacher’s wife?

She’s that retiring, yet tireless woman, kind, yet reticent to suggest an opinion not in sync with her husband. Isn’t she the Sunday school teacher, disappearing after the church service starts, only to reappear with her flock on special holidays? Or isn’t she the one who sits quietly in the front pews, ever present and supportive of her husband’s ministry?

Yes, and no.

Increasingly, in Hancock County and everywhere else in Maine, the pastor’s mate is wife, husband, homemaker, professional, deacon, hairdresser, counselor, stressed-out parent.

With the highly visible exception of the Roman Catholic Church, most Christian denominations permit their ministers to marry, but the status and role of the minister’s mate have often been poorly defined.

Not so for Robin Tardy. She has her own job description.

Her husband, the Rev. Jim Tardy, is an ordained minister in the International Church of the Foursquare Gospel, a Pentecostal group founded by the great 1920s-era evangelist Aimee Simple McPherson. He recently became pastor of the River of God Church in Old Town.

Robin Tardy, a Bangor native and in her mid-40s, often sits in the front row of her church. Yet in a larger Foursquare church, she says, the minister’s wife generally sits with her husband on a platform in front of the congregation, sharing the duties of the service by reading announcements and concerns to the church and leading the singing.

In the Foursquare tradition, if the pastor dies, a spouse may succeed him or her.

“We’re told that this is always a possibility when we’re hired,” Tardy says. She cites Teri Orewiler, divisional superintendent in the Foursquare church, who was appointed to replace her husband after his death.

Tardy says it is important to understand that people in her tradition believe that everyone has a gift, none more important than another’s. Each person’s gift helps determine what his or her church-related duties will be.

Jim’s gift is his ability to preach, Tardy says, while hers is teaching.

“Jim really isn’t a good teacher because he has a hard time refraining from preaching,” Tardy says.

In the Foursquare tradition, expectations of the spouse are quite defined, not only in church but at home.

When a minister applies for a position in a Foursquare church, Tardy says, both the minister and spouse are given job descriptions, which have to be agreed upon before they are considered for hire.

While the pastor’s responsibilities include preaching and ministering to the congregation, the wife, described in the job description as “an asset to her husband and his ministry,” must agree to be “gracious, provide an atmosphere of peace and harmony, understand her own capabilities, limitations, physical strength and the will of God for her life.”

The wife is also reminded that “women are admonished in the Scriptures to be ‘keepers at home.'” In other words, she must agree to keep the house in order. She also must agree to rear her children to be well-mannered in the church and the parsonage.

When the pastor is a woman, her husband’s job description is a bit different. While he also is asked to be supportive of his wife’s “unique calling,” he is “priest of the home,” responsible for spiritual guidance of his family. He must also be a good role model for the men of his church.

What about keeping the house in order? Robin Tardy replies that with both spouses working outside the home, household tasks may not be so clearly defined.

Even if the wife is the preacher, the husband still leads the prayers at home, Tardy says.

Are there any negatives to being a pastor’s wife? After all, both Jim and Robin Tardy have other jobs. Jim is the activity event coordinator at the University of Maine and Robin is a hairdresser.

“Well,” she says, “you can’t really show that you’re having a bad day, and it often takes a long time to build friendships within the congregation, because of your position. There are certainly days that you feel like you are constantly giving out.”

On those particularly stressful days, her husband’s support is critical. She says she feels comfortable asking him to “not ask too much from her.” This kind of partnership and understanding is key to their relationship and her husband’s ministry, Tardy says.