Your ticket to Europe is paid for and the planning and excitement begins. The ancient ruins will astound your mind. The wines will dance upon your tongue like the nymphs in “A Midsummer’s Night Dream.” The pilsners will fill you with wanton abandon and the restrooms — well, the restrooms will have you convinced you can hold it until you get back to the States.

But you can’t, and a liter or two of Europe’s finest will make you glad you’ve done your homework. Relax. Thousands of Americans have survived the terror of the toilets and with a little preparation you can find, pay for and figure out how to operate the toilets you will encounter.

Adjust your attitude

Part of the excitement of traveling is experiencing new worlds and new cultures. The stories your friends have told you are probably true. A few things you will find:

Most restrooms aren’t in your hotel room; they’re down the hall.

Flushing will take ingenuity.

Sanitary conditions degenerate as the number of tourists accelerates.

There are no strips of paper covering the bowl to indicate no derriere heretofore has touched this toilet.

Some toilets are no more than a hole in the ground.

Some serenade you with Muzak in foreign languages.

Some have timers where the door swings open after an indicated amount of time.

Knowing these things, frame your mind accordingly and you’ll have a much better time. The restroom facilities you will find reflect the culture and the personality of each country. View your adventures as delving into the daily life and experience of the people.

Arrive prepared

The availability of toilet tissue is variable in each country as is the quality. Outdoor facilities, restrooms in high-volume tourist attractions and restaurants may leave you praying to the Greek gods for Charmin. Quality may vary from a one ply tissue resembling crepe paper to a tissue with the texture of a paper towel. Pack a roll or some travel-pack Kleenex with you. It is light to carry and your elation in times of need will outweigh the burden it bears. As a last resort, slip into one of the fancier hotels, strut like you belong there and put a few sheets into your fannypack for the day.

Finding the porcelain

There are, of course, the standard ways to look for a restroom. Look for signs such as the male-female icon; scan for the international sign WC (English for water closet); or spend a buck for a Coca-Cola in any fast-food restaurant to get a key to the toilet. These are the basics that most tourists know. There is, however, a means that will never fail you in any country — show pain. A furrowed brow, tense quivering lips, abdomen contorted and torso hunched conveys in any language your need. Lock your eyes and do not falter. Mouth slowly the world toilet. It’s your last ditch effort, but it will never fail you.

Paying for use

Always have coin in hand. Not all public facilities require payment but many do. This is a great use of your loose change since coin cannot be converted back into American dollars once you leave. Restrooms in airports, train stations and many tourist attractions will require a coin to be inserted before entry is allowed. Be sure and note any time limitations. In order to prevent outdoor restrooms from becoming “love-by-the-hour hotels,” some of the nicer street bathrooms limit your length of stay. Accordingly, you should plan either for a short visit or an audience of smiling Europeans when the door swings open.

Some public toilets come equipped with an attendant to make change and sell toilet paper. The attendant, however, may not be of your gender. Most toilet stalls are private but sinks and urinals are usually not. An American blush may rise to your cheeks as an attendant of the opposite sex sweeps casually around your feet at the urinal. If this strikes a chord of terror, save yourself the embarrassment and find a private stall.

Assessing the mechanics

American toilets are not complicated. They all look alike and there are only a couple of different ways to flush them. Although most European toilets look like the familiar porcelain bowl, some may be little more than a hole in the ground leading to an underground receptacle. There will be places on the ground indicating exactly where to put your feet. Pay close attention to them. They are there for good reason and help to make the visit for the next person more pleasant.

Finding the flusher

Pull, push, wiggle, jiggle, stomp upon and tug on anything that looks like it’s attached to the water tank. Do so gently and count the number of ways Europeans have come up with to flush their toilets. It is more fun than spot the out-of-state license plate.

A final word on etiquette: a bidet (the funny porcelain thing resembling a toilet that squirts up water like a fountain) is used to wash anything except your laundry. It is designed to cleanse body parts, not socks. Do not use one as a toilet and refrain, however tempting the urge may be, to giggle uncontrollably.

And then there is train-toilet etiquette. Train toilets empty right onto the tracks. It is considered, therefore, quite rude to use the train facilities in a major city, or worse yet, at the train station bustling with thousands of commuters. Be considerate and wait to use the facilities until your train is speeding through the countryside.

Armed with knowledge, you can trek across the continent with eyes wide open and be appreciative of the culture surrounding you. Finding a restroom in the States is a necessity. Finding a restroom in Europe can be an adventure. Open your mind and arrive prepared. Your fear will soon disappear and some of your experiences will send you into a belly laugh faster than Shakespeare’s court jesters.

Where is the toilet?

Dutch: Waar is het toilet? Finnish: Missa on miestenhuone? French: Ou sont les toilettes? German: Wo ist die toilette? Italian: Dove sono i gabinetti? Polish: Gdzie jest toaleta? Spanish: Donde esta el lavabo?