November 06, 2024
Column

Youth survey awakens memories of an old tune

One of the saddest songs I remember tells of a father too busy for his son as the baby grows into a youngster, then the youth turns into a man. A busy one himself, who can’t find time for his aging dad, and the circle is completed.

The tragic cycle described in “Cat’s in the Cradle,” includes the haunting refrain “we’ll get together then; you know we’ll have a good time then.” It’s a lyrical tale of too little time, too much work, skewed priorities, missed opportunities and plenty of regrets.

The memorable song was by the late singer-songwriter Harry Chapin, but there’s a remake of it, I’m told, by Ugly Kid Joe, which goes to show the words ring as true today as they did yesterday.

So, it came as no surprise to read the results of a national survey that concluded teenagers value family time more than anything – and wish there were more of it. According to “The State of Our Nation’s Youth” annual survey, which was given to more than 1,000 high school students, 50 percent of the teens said they wished they could spend more time with family. In fact, they put family time ahead of time with friends, playing sports, working, studying, with religious groups or listening to music.

Peter Hart, whose research company wrote the report for the Horatio Alger Association, had this to say: “The kids who are in high school are telling parents, ‘We’re listening to you, we care about what you think, and we’d like to spend more time with you.'”

The survey concluded that almost 75 percent of high school students say they get along very well or even extremely well with their parents. The teens put family members atop their list of role models, far ahead of entertainers and athletes; and stated even the disputes they have with their parents aren’t of great consequence.

Yet, the report found these same teenagers – 14 to 18 years old – spent most of their time not with family but with friends. The survey showed 3 percent of those interviewed spent most of their time alone; 8 percent with family; 20 percent with one or two close friends; and 69 percent with a group of friends.

“Hanging out with your family, that’s not a bad thing anymore,” said one of the teens surveyed.

Not at all. Tolstoy understood that ages ago when he wrote in Anna Karenina: “All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own fashion.”

Parents should be encouraged by a survey that defies the stereotypes and concludes their teens truly value them. But they should take note of the fact their sons and daughters want – and need – more family time.

Maybe they should listen carefully to the results of this recent report – and to the words of “Cat’s in the Cradle and the silver spoon. Little boy blue, and the man in the moon. ‘When you coming home, Dad?’ ‘I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then; you know we’ll have a good time then.'”


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