Americans are relieved and glad to have our 24 detainees released. The Bush administration deserves credit for its patience in reaching a reasonable, peaceful settlement of an event that China seemed to be doing its best to turn into a crisis. Certainly President Jiang Zemin had hard-liners to keep in check, as did President Bush, but the United States remained calm in the face of at times reckless charges from China.

Still, there is a lesson to be learned. Had the first U.S. response been an expression of regret or sorrow that the accident had occurred and that a Chinese pilot was missing and perhaps dead, some of the tension may have been avoided. The first U.S. demand, however, was for the return of the downed plane and its crew, a demand made worse by the dubious proposition that the plane remained sovereign U.S. territory which the Chinese could not legally enter.

Americans, of course, were anxious about the welfare of their fellow citizens and about the security of a sophisticated military plane. But the Chinese, too, were anxious about the fate of their pilot and what looked to them like an intrusion into their airspace.

Secretary of State Colin Powell quickly saw the error of making demands early in the negotiation and properly changed the tone of the U.S. response. But the expressions of regret took on greater importance because they did not come immediately. Similarly, first words of sorry and regret might have eased tempers over the mistaken bombing of the Chinese embassy in Belgrade and the sinking of a Japanese fishing ship by a U.S. submarine. Explanations and justifications can come later. First, saying you’re sorry usually helps.