It has occurred to me that the first 10 amendments to the United States Constitution – the Bill of Rights – no longer fit the times. In short, they are in need of updating. Traditionally, the government and people have generally worked to reflect the spirit of the Constitution, but today there is much more momentum toward having the Constitution reflect the attitudes of government and the governed.

In this light, I would like to be the first to leap to the following conclusions as to what a new Bill of Rights should look like. I think it would have broad appeal to a country, such as America, which increasingly lusts after a one-party system.

To wit:

AMENDMENT I.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, the sole exception being Christian religions, which shall have a special right of way. Neither shall there be any abridgment of freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, so long as these actions do not involve criticism of the government and its policies, which criticisms may be construed as running contrary to the need to SECURE THE STATE.

AMENDMENT II.

A well-regulated militia is not sufficient for THE SECURITY OF THE STATE. Therefore, the people shall have every right, and should be encouraged, to arm themselves with weapons of any quantity and magnitude, from derringers to bazookas, as a reflection of a civil and peaceful society based on the concept of mutual fear.

AMENDMENT III.

No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner. However, if this consent is sought and denied, this shall be construed as failing to support the troops, which is a threat to THE SECURITY OF THE STATE.

AMENDMENT IV.

There is no right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures. This is particularly true in the case of the nation’s public libraries, where the Federal Bureau of Investigation shall have every right to inquire as to the reading habits of library patrons. Neither shall librarians divulge to said patrons that they are under investigation, lest they compromise THE SECURITY OF THE STATE.

AMENDMENT V.

Persons may be deprived of life, liberty and property, without due process of law, secret trials being necessary FOR THE SECURITY OF THE STATE.

AMENDMENT VI.

There is no de facto or inferred right to a speedy trial, nor even a jury trial. Rather, secret trials shall be convened at the pleasure of the government, and the accused shall have no right to be informed of the nature of the accusation, or to be confronted with the witnesses against him.

Neither shall he be entitled to counsel. All of this is necessary to insure THE SECURITY OF THE STATE.

AMENDMENT VII.

There shall be no more Common Law, it being replaced by the whimsy of the Attorney General, whose only interest is THE SECURITY OF THE STATE.

AMENDMENT VIII.

Bail and fines shall not be options when THE SECURITY OF THE STATE is at stake, summary trials being the preferred route for the dispensing of justice. However, there shall be no cruel and unusual punishment inflicted on detainees held on American soil, it being preferable to ship the accused to nations where torture is legal practice.

AMENDMENT IX.

The rights named in the previous amendments are not the only ones the government may abridge. If there are others, they may also be denied, if such denial is deemed necessary for THE SECURITY OF THE STATE.

AMENDMENT X.

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution shall belong to the people, so long as such powers are not in conflict with the government’s need to SECURE THE STATE.

As one can see, from such a modest surrendering of liberties one achieves a wholesale return of security. I think this is a Bill of Rights most Americans will be willing to sink their teeth into. It is a no-nonsense, meat-and-potatoes thing which one day will be viewed as the product of a mind in lockstep with its times. It is for the duct-tape-and-plastic-sheeting type, the American who sees the GOP as “God’s Official Party.” For the man on the sofa who never read the original, this must come across as fresh, current and essential. If the president himself saw it, I am certain he would say, “Let it be as it is written.”

Selah.

Robert Klose teaches at University College of Bangor and frequently contributes essays to The Christian Science Monitor.