According to most of the e-mail and comments I get, starting conversations is one of the toughest things about dating and meeting people.

It is intimidating to walk up to a total stranger and start a conversation. We immediately assume failure, so most of us just sit on our bar stools and don’t even try.

Two weeks ago, I promised to reveal my best tip for talking to people. So here it is. And to illustrate, a story from my vault.

Last summer and fall I spent several weekends in Bar Harbor. On one Saturday night in October I was out on the town (or village, in the case of Bar Harbor) with some of my favorite partners-in-crime. Most of the places in town were closing for the season, so Cottage and Main streets were hopping with people trying to cram in one final weekend.

We ended up at a popular restaurant-bar-dance club, found a table to set up home base, and went to get a few beers.

Enter Blue-Shirt Man.

Blue-Shirt Man was attractive. Blue-Shirt Man was standing a bit apart from a gang of guys. And most importantly for this tale, Blue-Shirt Man … well, he looked great in his blue button-down shirt.

It was what I think is called French blue, a deep, gemlike shade that looks great on everyone, no matter what their coloring.

I weighed my options. Stand there all night, admiring the guy (and the shirt) or do something about it.

“Hey,” I said after walking straight up to him. “I really like your shirt.”

BSM looked surprised.

“It’s a great color,” I continued.

Then a smile slowly spread across his face. Thanks, he said.

OK, I thought. He’s not interested. But I tried, and I don’t feel like a jerk. I complimented him. I walked away. But a few minutes later one of the guys in his group approached me. He told me to turn around. Why, I asked.

“He’s a little shy,” the friend said.

Indeed, BSM was standing right behind me. We laughed, we danced a little, we talked. Turns out BSM was a graduate student from Boston who had been “dragged” to Maine for the weekend.

So the compliment worked. It let this guy know I was interested, open to conversation, and approachable. He had responded.

Compliments, my friends, are the way to go.

Think about it. There’s no commitment for an entire conversation. If you don’t get the response you’re looking for you can just walk away with a have-a-nice-night escape – and you still come out looking good because you said something nice first.

And if you do get the response you want there’s a whole plethora of conversation to be had. Right there you have a mutual interest, even if it’s just blue shirts.

There are tons of ways to compliment people. Did the woman near you make a great shot in pool? Tell her so. Is the guy across the bar wearing a cap from your favorite baseball team? There’s a starting point. Did someone order the stout that tastes just like chocolate beer? Compliment them on their choice.

Just be careful. Stay away from complimenting a person’s body parts, although “Hey, nice eyes” to a pair of sea-green or chocolate-brown peepers is acceptable, I think.

And be honest. Don’t compliment something just for the sake of a compliment – if you lie about how much you like a woman’s bright orange nail polish, you might have to live with it in the future.

Still intimidated? A friend once gave me great advice about flirting: Compliment strangers to whom you’re not attracted at all.

The other day I told Rose, the girl who works at a convenience store near my house, that I thought she had a pretty name.

I told a service station attendant in Belfast that I admired his gas prices (at $1.59 a gallon, who wouldn’t?).

And I told a teenager selling soda at the high school basketball tournament that I liked his University of Maryland basketball jersey.

We don’t compliment each other enough anyway. And it’s a great way to practice for your next Blue-Shirt Man or Woman.

Jessica Bloch can be reached at 990-8193 or jbloch@bangordailynews.net.